"You Are Wrong ! "
By Stephanie Goddard Davidson
The title got your attention, didn't it? And NOT in a good way.
Aren't you feeling a little agitation? I bet you are. This is the normal
response to being told we are WRONG. Your intention in reading further is
probably to prove to me that you are NOT wrong, but quite right. And you don't
even know what we are talking about yet!
That is why we have conflict. Conflict is caused by having to be right. Think
about an argument you have recently had. Was it with your spouse, co-worker, the
cashier at Target? It doesn't matter WHO it was, or what you THINK about them,
or even what the FACTS were. What mattered is that you wanted to show you were
RIGHT about whatever happened.
Conflict is not the clashing of two people, but the clashing of two ideas.
Let me define this even further:
 | The clashing of two people is violence or fighting.
| The clash of two legitimate ideas is conflict.
| The clash of one legitimate idea and one concealed motivation is a lie or
fraud. |
| |
In any situation that involves conflict (whether that is aggressive conflict or
polite conflict) you would be better off in the long run to give up your
irresistible need to be right EVERY TIME. You may wish to fight to the death on
some issue that is important to you and those fights are likely the ones that
define who you are and what you stand for. But when you are fighting over who
took out the garbage last and whether you were actually the next one in line,
you may need to see where your need to be right is getting in your way.
Dr. Stephen Covey (the author of "Seven Habits of Highly Effective
People") has some wonderful insights into this common stumbling block. I
have created some quotes that are based on his work and invite you to take a
quote from this list and put it to work for you. Place it on your computer
screen-saver or make it into a small plaque from your favorite software and hang
it on your mirror.
"Assertiveness is defined as courage balanced with consideration.
Maturity is defined ...the same way."
"What is more important ? To be right in your relationships or to be
effective in them?"
"To be able to admit you are wrong takes more strength then to continue
fighting to be right. Your opponent knows this and will bow to your strength as
soon as you declare your "wrongness"." If your team is experiencing regular bouts of conflict, whether internal to
the department or externally, you may benefit from our workshops.
They are a terrific way to work on your team's
interpersonal skills and career pathing as well as building your team's
relationship.
And remember...try not to be right today! | 